One last time
by StrawberrySab
Summary: She chose to stay. She chose managing partnership. She chose Will. Based on old theories and backed up by the extended promo for 5x04.


**A/N: I don't know where this came from exactly. Just a mix of hopes and fears that I had to let out and the usual wild theorizing with Bye11. Thanks to Steffi for betareading at the speed of light :D**

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"You'll be in the back of my mind for the rest of the day."

Will's words bring to Alicia's face a light, sly smile; one of those smiles she reserves for him alone. Flirty, deep, meaningful. A smile that conveys everything she feels for him.

The memories of the previous night come back to delight her in all their colorful and fiery bliss. "Just for the rest of the day?" she teases him.

Everything is perfect.

Not everything, actually. Last night she met Cary for what had been one of the most bitter conversations they ever shared. She chose to stay. She chose managing partnership. She chose Will. She wasn't surprised when Cary didn't judge her or got angry, for that wasn't him. He seemed more sad, concerned, maybe aware of something that's still beyond her comprehension or knowledge. _You'll always be under Will_. His words had kept bouncing back and forth in the back of her mind for hours since they were spoken. Maybe Cary is right, he has a point there, but there are a lot of things that Cary doesn't know. Like the fact that Will would never try to control her or influence her judgment. Will wants her because he trusts her and at second thought, considering how she was planning to leave until the day before, she wonders if she's really worth of such trust. She lied through her teeth about the fourth year associates' coup, she hid her involvement and had to play both sides to keep up her guard. At second thought, not even the fourth year associates deserved her trust. She felt horrible, she still does. But she would have felt much worse if she'd really left. Cary made her promise one thing only, one last help; to get some files from Diane's laptop. She agreed, a bit reluctantly, as a bad feeling started to ferment inside of her. Diane is technically not out until the partners reach an agreement and she doesn't want to get caught stealing clients' files from her exiting boss. It would be the end of everything.

After leaving Cary, she sat in her car for half an hour, contemplating what to do next. Her initial plan of waiting for the next morning to give Will the good news suddenly sounded unimaginable. Impatience, anxiety and adrenaline blended together, making the await unmanageable.

Eventually, she ended up at his door. She had offered him one last way out, clutching at her lack of experience, offering an alternative, placing imaginary obstacles to their new boss/boss relationship.

Will's soothing voice had destroyed every faltering argumentation she brought against her candidacy. "Then why are you here?" he had asked in the end.

"Just to let you know that we are making a mistake, that we are complicating things between us more than they already are, that we cannot run a firm together for a lot of reasons that you know as well, but still…" Alicia shrugged and searched for some resolution in the sight of her feet standing on the welcome doormat. "I want it," she whispered. Probably Will didn't even hear her. Or if he did, he needed more certainty. "I want it," she repeated, with more poise, her eyes now locked confidently with his.

Hinted smiles turned into grins, grins into beams, beams into ecstatic laughter, the distance between them reduced from feet to inches in the space of a few seconds.

Everything happened so fast that the morning after she still can't say who started it. But she remembered perfectly the only thought that found room among the kisses, the urge to get rid of every piece of cloth and the landing on a bed that used to be so familiar.

If one single thing goes wrong, the consequences of her actions will fall down on her with such a destructive violence to leave nothing that can be pieced back together. You can't piece ashes back together; they can only be scattered.

If one single thing goes wrong, she's sure that Will is never going to stare at her in the way he did tonight. His feelings were bare, exposed completely by the way he kissed and caressed every inch of her body, with no hurry or voracity. It felt like he'd waited for her for so long that he wanted to relish her taste, to sip her body slowly. She had to exploit every droplet of passion she feels for him to hush her fears and hide them away.

If one single thing goes wrong, this is the Will she wants to remember.

She had devoted every nerve, every innermost care and thought to the sensual pleasure of their bodies meeting in a most intimate union. She had tried to prevent any feeling from filtering through their entwined tongues and starving mouths. She had traced an imaginary yet indelible map of his body, marking his broad shoulders, the stout muscles of his back, down to his firm ass. He was exactly as she remembered him. She had forced herself into thinking that the growing tingle was nothing more than the outcome of passionate, unfettered sex. It's much easier to deceive your mind when all your body is diverted by the overwhelming sensation of the orgasm building up. It's much easier to just give in to the physical ecstasy when you don't know if there will ever be another time. With this lonely thought in her mind, Alicia gave herself completely to Will with an unrestrained fervor like never before, whispering his name over and over to indent the moment in her mind.

The morning's awakening brought with it a sense of false quietness. Their bodies were still tied by the sensual intertwining of their legs. Alicia's head rested on his chest. The slow and rhythmic beating of his heart played in her ears. She moved her head up a tad to see his face and smiled melancholically. If one single thing were to go wrong, she wanted to remember him like this. Peaceful, his lips lightly curled by what was quite certainly a nice dream; whether sweet or of another kind, she couldn't know, but she wondered if she was the object of his dreaming fantasies. His chest moved up and down lightly, in a slow cadence. She resisted the urge to kiss him, careful not to wake him up. She wanted to enjoy these last moments with him, just in case they were the _last_.

For a moment she considered leaving while he was still asleep. It would make everything much easier if they had to cope with the morning after guilt in the transparent lack of privacy of their glass offices. No talking needed. No embarrassments. But eventually, she chose to stay. She wanted to enjoy this moment till the very end.


End file.
